Friendship

Well, summer has begun, and every child in my preschool class will go to Kindergarten this Fall.  This is an incredibly emotional time for me because I know what they will have to face in "big school."  From bullies to cafeteria food, teachers who shouldn't be teaching anymore to crazy bus drivers, and homework to missed recesses, my babies have many years of tough times ahead of them.  As I watched their little faces while they sang during our graduation program, I wondered how many of them will still be friends when they are in high school, and I thought about how comforting I find it to be around the people I have known for practically my entire life. 

Last weekend, I visited an old friend who I hadn't seen in almost fifteen years.  We spoke on the phone prior to my visit, but we hadn't spoken for a year before that.  It wasn't that we had a falling out or anything; our lives just sort of veered apart, and neither one of us really made an effort to keep in touch.  She and I met when we were nine years old and have been friends ever since.  We've both put ourselves through a lot over the years, and I think we can agree, we were craving the comfort of venting to someone who wouldn't judge us for our mistakes and who wouldn't get all maternal on us when giving advice (sorry, mom).  I was afraid it would be awkward to see her because people can change a lot in fifteen years.  I was worried about what she would think of me and whether or not we would talk the way we did when we were younger.  Once we started talking, though, we couldn't stop.  We stayed up until 4:30 am, slept for a few hours, and talked for hours more when we woke up.  It was like we had never been away from each other, except for the fact most of our conversations were about what had been going on in our lives over the years.  I didn't realize how much I missed her until I spent that time with her. 

This visit got me thinking about all of my friendships and what friendship really means.  As we know, friendship in preschool can be a fickle thing.  One minute, two children are playing nicely together.  The next minute, one child is tattling on the other because she said, "You're not my friend, and you can't come to my Chuck E. Cheese party."  Friendship with adults can be just as fickle depending on the participating parties and the foundation on which the friendship is built.  I look at my friends' Facebook pages, and I notice some of them have hundreds, or even over a thousand, friends on their "Friends" list.  I have to wonder, are they really all your friends, or are they just people with whom you want to share a picture of your dinner plate each night?  Are they people who will pick you up when you are down, will they kick you when you are down, or will they even notice when you are down? 

I think about my grandmother's friends - she had the same friends for over 50 years, and they were wonderful to her.  When I think of the times we all gathered at her house for one occasion or another, I remember seeing the genuine love and compassion they had for each other.  She could really count on her friends to be there for her when she needed them, she was there for them when they needed her, and they spent good times together when nobody really needed anything.  They participated in each other's lives as if they were family.  Those are the types of friendships we need.

I hope my preschoolers will find the same comfort in old friends as they go through life.  I hope that all of our lessons on friendship will stick with them, and most of all, that they have a clear understanding of what it means to be a good friend.